Got Bread?

I have a friend who claims that she enjoys baking. Though, oddly enough, over the last 5 years, her oven has been used to produce baked goods maybe twice. (Oh, let's give her the benefit of the doubt and say thrice).

Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining, as it actually gives me good material for comic fodder. But I ran across this image on the web the other day, and it made me laugh out loud.

Peaches, if your reading this, know that I am thinking of you!

Rainn

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BIZARRE: UK Man Adds Wife To Terror Watch List

A recent news report out of the UK describes a bizarre case in which an Immigration Official secretly added his own wife's name onto the nation's terror watch list.

The man's wife was visiting her family in Pakistan at the time. While there, the man illegally accessed government databases to add his wife's name onto the no-fly list.

Upon trying to board a flight from Pakistan to London, the woman was told she would not be allowed to board the flight, but was not given a reason why. Naturally, since her husband was an immigration official, she promptly called him asking for help. The man told his wife he would try to find out what was going on, but instead, left her stranded in Pakistan for 3 years.

UK officials stated that in the government's database, the woman was described as "not being in the good of the public" to allow her into the country.

How the man explained the lack of his wife's presence for 3 years has not been explained, but sources say the man had "the time of his life" while his wife was away. Eventually, the man applied for a promotion in which a routine background check shed light on what he had done. Officials then confronted him and he confessed. He was immediately fired.

BIZARRE: Phobia-less Woman Surprisingly Still Alive

The medical journal Current Biology has released a new report about a 44 year old woman known only as SM.

The woman suffered from a genetic disease known as lipoid proteniosis, which has affected areas of her brain which controls the body's sensor to danger.

After years of psychological testing and numerous field tests, SM appears to fear absolutely nothing.

Though SM felt other emotions such as excitement and curiosity, she consistently displayed no signs of fear in almost any scenarios, and when asked to rate her fear on a scale of 1 - 10, never expressed a level higher than 2.

In one experiment, SM was taken to a pet shop where she had to interact with various types of snakes and spiders. Previously SM had stated she hated snakes and spiders, but during the experiment, she took delight in holding and touching the snakes. in some cases she pet the tongue of the snakes she was holding. She also had to be coaxed away from reaching towards some venomous tarantulas.

In another experiment, SM was led through a haunted house where she actually was drawn towards actors dressed as monsters. She actually scared one of the actors by poking as his face, as she was curious what the masks felt like.

SM said she felt the haunted house was "highly exciting and entertaining" she again rated her fear at zero.

SM was also subjected to numerous horror films and again rated her fear at zero.

Even during uncontrolled events during her real life, SM seemed to have no fear. In 1995, a man leapt off a park bench and held SM at knife point, threatening to kill her. She reportedly told her assailant "If you are going to kill me, you're going to have to go through my God's angles first." SM then walked away from the man, and returned to the same park the next night.

SM has said she recalled experiencing fear as a child when faced with a snarling Doberman that had cornered her, but said she could not recall any adult experience in which she had fear.

Scientists are trying to retrain SM's brain to react differently to fear. Dr. Justin Feinstein who is leading the study on SM said he felt "it is quite remarkable that she is still alive," indicating that she needlessly puts herself into dangerous situations due to her inability to process fear.

Doctors also hope that by studying SM that they may gain insight into curing the effects of post traumatic stress disorder in other patients.

Bizarre: Bristol Palin's Bad Dancing Triggers Police Standoff

Authorities in the town of Vermont, Wisconsin ended up in an overnight standoff that ended Tuesday morning with a 67 year old man turning himself in.

Court papers filed by the Dane County Sheriff's office say that Steven Cowan became so enraged by Bristol Palin's dance routine on an episode of Dancing With The Stars, that he loaded his shotgun, blasted his TV, then turned the gun on his elderly wife. She managed to escape unharmed. Cowan then held police at bay overnight before giving himself up in the morning.

Court documents went on to explain that Cowan did not think that Palin was a good dancer, and was convinced she was still on the show only because of her famous mother, former Governor Sarah Palin.

Cowan has been charged with second degree reckless endangerment, and if convicted, could spend up to ten years in jail. This would be unlikely however, as it has been noted in court documents that Cowan suffers from bipolar disorder.

The Human Centipede: The Sickest Movie of All Time?

So, prior to tonight, I had never heard of the movie called The Human Centipede (First Sequence). Actually, I stumbled across a reference to the movie while reading a review for another film. But the poster of the comment in which I was reading said that he was unsure if he could stomach watching the film.

Well, of course, this made me wonder what the film was all about. So a quick Google search later, and I was suddenly tossed into the midst of watching a movie trailer for one of the most disgusting concepts of all time. Truly.

The Human Centipede (First Sequence) is a film by Tom Six, a Dutch writer, director and producer. Upon first watching the trailer, the film starts out cliche, a la Hostel, but then quickly leaps into a more deranged direction, where in female tourists are used in a medical experiment to create a "Human Centipede" by surgically stitching them, along with an unknown Asian man, anus-to-mouth, thereby creating a 3 person creature who would share a single digestive tract.

Let your imagination run with that concept for a while.

Got that image in your head now? If your mind brought flashbacks of the Two Girls, One Cup video, that's ok. That's where your head should be right now.

Now I must say, as far as horror movie trailers go, The Human Centipede does a remarkable job of invoking feelings of horror and disgust while showing very little, if any, graphic detail. And, in my opinion, often the best cringeworthy films are works wherein there is little graphic gore shown. A good example of this is some of the prison scenes in the film Blindness. Sure, its not a horror flick, but those parts of the film certainly gave me the shudders.

So exactly how graphic does The Human Centipede get? Apparently not very (which I am sure many viewers are grateful for). However, the concept in itself was apparently gag-inducing enough, that it is reported that Tom Six did not reveal the mouth-to-anus details to investors while seeking funding for the film. And, as a result, many of the investors did not actually know about the complete subject matter of the film until it was released. Additionally, it has been reported that a number of auditioners for the project walked out of their reading due to sheer disgust at the concept.

The film debuted in 2009, and surprisingly, received fairly positive reviews from several film festivals. Mainstream reviews were less flattering, but there was the occasional silver lining. Entertainment Weekly for example, praised the direction of the film and the acting abilities of Dieter Laser (of the show Lexx), who portrayed the mad surgeon. However, EW also proclaimed Centipede to be "...The most disgusting horror movie of all time."

That being said, due to the modest success of The Human Centipede (First Sequence), Tom Six has been working on a sequel imaginatively called The Human Centipede (Full Sequence). Duh. What else would you call it? Six has released a teaser for the sequel (due out in 2011), where he says it will be so disgusting, it will make the first release look like "My Little Pony".

What is the plot line of the sequel? Well, a human centipede of course, but this time with 12 participants. And of course with a new lead as surgeon.

So at this point I have to ask: Have you seen The Human Centipede? Are you going to watch it? Would you watch the sequel? And what is your review on the movie?

You can view the trailer for the first film here. And here is the teaser for the sequel.

Randy Quaid: When Bad Actors Do Bad Things

Randy Quaid Looking All Craaaaazzzzzy

I am not one who typically cares about Hollywood gossip, but I have got to say: What the hell is wrong with these people?

Every second week when I read the news, it seems there is some description of bizarre and illegal activities of Randy Quaid and his wife, Evi.

In case you have forgotten, last September, the Quaids had been arrested for failing to pay a $10,000 hotel bill. As I recall, Randy was said to be quite cavalier and insistent about not paying for the bill. They had been arrested, with a court date set, and the couple failed to show up to court, having fled to Texas. Warrants for their arrest as well as a request for extradition from Texas had been submitted.

Finally, they were re-arrested, with a new court date set, of which they failed to appear not once, but thrice!

Hello?? Anyone home? Do you not realize that failure to appear multiple times is not going to help your cause any? Did they think that the matter would simply go away if they didn't show up? Maybe the Quaids thought "oh ya, the State of California will get bored with this and forget about it."

As though all that was not strange in its own right, in September of this year, the Quaids were again arrested. This time for burglary and trespassing. Apparently the couple broke into a house that they formerly owned in Santa Barbara and were, well, squatting. There were also reports of vandalism of the property.

The story gets weirder. Randy Quaid claimed the house had been unlawfully transferred to a third party illegally by a woman who forged the Quaids signature on real estate documents. They claim her name is Rhonda Quaid.

Simple solution right? Simply find Rhonda and ask for answers, right? Nope. Rhonda is now dead. Don't ask me how, as I have no idea. Perhaps we should be looking for a murder weapon in the Quaids suitcases??

At any rate, the Crazy Quaids AGAIN failed to show up for court, and new arrest warrants were issued.

To top it all off, Today, the Quaids were arrested in Vancouver, for violating the Canadian Immigration Act. Most likely because they fled to Canada with outstanding warrants for their arrest in California. Duh. Did they think that Canadian and US Boarder Services does not share that information with each other?? Though it does make one wonder how they were allowed into Canada to begin with. Did they swim to Canada, thereby bypassing Customs?

The Quaids have been arrested more times in a year than Lindsay Lohan has been sent to rehab. Thats pretty bad.

I think they both need a serious psychological evaluation. And stop letting them out on bail, for crying out loud!

Man Pleasures Himself in Wal-Mart Toy Dept

Ok, So this was just too bizarre not to post.

The picture you see is an actual mug shot of 28 year old William Tyler Black. Black allegedly went into his local Florida Wal-Mart, grabbed the latest Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition. He then took the magazine into the Toy Department and pleasured himself to completion. The article further alleges that when he had finished, um, playing with HIS toy, that he wiped his hands on a child's toy which was on a nearby shelf.

Police have levied a series of charges on Black.

While I agree that the man needs help and SHOULD be arrested, I think the last charge of Battery On A Child may be reaching for straws. Police felt that the charge was reasonable, as they concluded it was possible that a child may have come into contact "with the fluid on the toy".

In any case, I guess Wal-Mart really DOES have everything.